Category Archives: Abstinence

3 Suggestions for Staying Abstinent on Valentine’s Day

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For many people in the US, Valentine’s Day is synonymous with one thing: Chocolate. For others, it might also include a romantic dinner date as well. For OA members, especially those whose abstinence hinges on refraining from sugary foods and alcohol, it’s yet another holiday where we have to watch out.

In fact, many OAs will tell you that Valentine’s Day stings in a way that other special days don’t. Go to any meeting, and over time you’ll hear how our disease has caused us vast pain romantically speaking. Things such as:

  • I was too ashamed to pursue romantic relationships or say yes to them
  • My eating became more important than my marriage
  • I didn’t believe anyone could love me
  • I tried to control everything in all of my relationships
  • I hid my eating and my disease from my spouse.

These and many similar sentiments and experiences indicate how negatively compulsive eating and food addiction have impacted our lives. It’s hard to love or be loved when we hate ourselves for the terrible damage we do to our bodies, minds, and spirits through food.

When we do the 12 Steps, we route out the negative patterns associated with this old thinking. We come to discover that our Higher Power (whatever it may be) doesn’t create junk. Through working the Steps, we find a new source of strength and courage, and food ceases to call us in the way it has. We don’t have to fight constantly to maintain abstinence, it just comes.

But what about before we finish that work? While we haven’t yet exposed that negative thinking to the daylight and revealed the awful lies we’ve been telling ourselves for what they really are? How do we, when confronted with happy couples, heart-shaped boxes, and champagne dinners, keep away from the first bite?

First of all, we have to remember that we are always “activated before the first bite is taken.” If we are obsessing about food, it’s because some feeling has gripped us…and we don’t like feelings! We may not be able to identify that feeling, but it’s there, and it is reminding us of every bad feeling we keep inside us, buried under years of overeaten food. (The very ones that Steps 4 through 9 help us get rid of!) And what will activate us more than thoughts about our isolation (within or outside of a relationship)?

So we know we are activated. The obsession is on us. We MUST act fast and decisively to stave off the first bite. Because once the first bite is taken, our bodies resume their physical dependence on food. Here’s three simple things we can do RIGHT NOW:

  1. Pray like our life depends upon it: If we have a conception of a Higher Power, our first order of business is to pray for strength and the willingness to go to any length to avoid the first bite. By the way, our life does depend on it.
  2. Call people in the program: That 1,000 pound phone actually gets lighter once we pick it up. We can start by dialing our sponsor, then trusted friends. If we don’t reach someone, we can keep dialing until we do. It’s worth it. Remember that it’s always better to call before we eat compulsively than after.
  3. Get to a meeting: No meeting in our area at this hour? If we are willing to go to any lengths, then central New Hampshire, southern Maine, and Mass aren’t very far to go. Check their website to see if they have a meeting. We can also go to OA.org and look up a phone meeting. Don’t even have to leave the house for that!

These simple suggestions remind us that until we have completed a thorough run through the Steps and established a working relationship with God as we understand God, we need the support of the fellowship. Without it, we’re just like the mouse under the cat’s paw. Waiting the death blow, but not sure how long our disease will keep batting us around for its fun.

And after all, this is a matter of life and death.

The Force Is With Us, Always

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This weekend, the new Star Wars movie has opened with as much fanfare as perhaps any movie ever. One of the chief ideas driving the story of the Star Wars saga is “The Force,” an invisible spiritual energy that binds the universe together and gives people powers they wouldn’t otherwise have. Those who believe in it will give one another the benediction, “May the Force Be with You.”

In OA, we are also granted special powers beyond our own abilities. The Force is with us! This is most outwardly obvious in our relationship to food and our physical recovery. The first Step tells us that we are utterly powerless over food. We can’t control it whatsoever. Our bodies usually indicate this whether we are fat or too skinny or bouncing in between. The second Step tells us that we won’t be restored to any kind of normalcy around food without a Higher Power. For the Star Wars inclined, we must use The Force. Or more accurately, let it use us.

Of course, that’s not all there is to it. We are also powerless over our feelings and emotions. Our literature tells us that our physical compulsion to eat actually begins in our minds. We first obsess about food in reaction to our feelings. The disease centers in our minds, and we are activated before the first bite is taken. We need a Force to help us here as well, and the Steps show us how to call upon that Force when we need help conquering the fears and emotions that drive us to hurt ourselves with food. Because we obviously can’t cope with those things ourselves, or we would have done so already.

Of course, this all means that we have also had a spiritual sickness. We have shunned God and left the idea of a Higher Power to die on the vine. We need the Steps and the guidance of someone with experience to help us find our Higher Power and tap into Its amazing flow of positive energy. In the original Star Wars movie, Luke Skywalker’s mentor Ben Kenobi says things to him such as “Feel the Force,” “Let go of your feelings,” and “The Force will be with you, always.” Sounds pretty familiar, right? Our sponsors and the program are telling us to feel the presence of a Higher Power; to let go of what troubles us and give them to God; and that our HP will always be there for us, no matter how grave the situation. Whether the crisis occurs in a galaxy far, far away or just behind our eyes, the answer is the same! Spiritual principles are the same everywhere: Trust and rely on God, whatever your concept of God is, whatever you might call God, no matter what the situation is. That’s what OA tells us that the essence of spirituality is. An idea that is shared through virtually every spiritual or religious concept out there.

Finally, the Jedi in the Star Wars saga use their Force-given powers unstintingly to help others. That’s exactly what OA asks of us. Think of others, ask God how we might be helpful to someone besides ourselves, and let our spiritual discoveries lead us to new ways to bring peace and goodwill to the world.

Hey, it’s fun to see incredible aliens, watch spacecraft hurtling through the stars, and enjoy the thrill of evil enemies meeting their match. But right here, in our own lives, we get to enjoy the benefits of a Force if not “The Force.” We aren’t granted superhuman powers, but rather the amazing power to be merely human. To walk among people with our chins up, meeting the world on its terms, and living happy lives instead of turning back to the dark side that our disease has chained us to for so many years. The Force is with us. Always!

Traveling in OA…food planning on the road

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With Thanksgiving coming up, many of us will be traveling to friends or family for a day, two, maybe even a week of visiting. Others of us travel frequently for business…or pleasure. It reminds us of that eternal question: How do I use a food plan when I don’t necessarily know what will be served?

The answer, as it turns out, is different for every OA member. In part, of course, because we all have an individual food plan. But also, in part, because we all need different levels of structure.

For some of us, eating away from home can be an open invitation to the higher quantities our disease desires. Or to eating some of our “yellow-light” foods: ones we don’t eat frequently because they call to us sometimes, but that we don’t react to as insanely as our “red-light” foods. For others the lack of structure can feel frightening by itself. Doing things a little loosy-goosey threatens the firm boundaries we rely on.

So we each have to work out with our Higher Power and our sponsor what will work for us. There are, however, a variety of strategies that we hear in meetings that we may able to adopt or adapt for our own situations. Here’s a few:

Strategize with a sponsor before leaving.
Failure to plan is planning to fail. Talking to our sponsor before we depart and developing a strategy for the trip is a great way to bring a sense of structure to the journey.

Call ahead, when possible, to see what the menu will be.
Especially when visiting loved ones and friends, we can easily call to see what will be on the menu. If we’re concerned little or nothing will meet our needs, we can not attend, or we can ask if we can bring something we can eat.

Check out eateries along the way in advance.
We can plan where we want to stop if we are driving. The internet allows us to search out and check the menus of eateries before we leave. If we are going on an extended vacation, we can look into restaurants around our hotel or the area we are visiting to ensure we have someplace to get the food we need.

Bring food in the car/plane/train just in case.
Having a small snack item might be a saving grace if we are caught in awful traffic, sitting on a runway, or what have you and unable to eat our scheduled meal. Whatever that small item is, we tell our sponsor about it and keep it in reserve for an emergency.

Don’t always eat out.
If we are renting a house or have a hotel room with a fridge or a small galley, we may be able to buy the food we usually eat and keep it handy. That reduces our eating out and increases the structure we’ll have.

Use a 3-0-1 plan and don’t touch binge foods.
This is the first plan listed in the “Dignity of Choice” pamphlet. If we truly don’t know what our food choices will be, we can keep things simple by committing to three moderate meals a day, nothing in between, one day at a time, and no binge foods.

Stay in touch with a sponsor.
Just because we leave town doesn’t mean we leave our sponsors behind. We may need them more than ever while traveling. Even if we can’t call them without risking our anonymity, we can certainly text or email, both of which are silent. Also, if something is bugging us that may lead us to eat, staying in touch with a sponsor will help us avoid eating over feelings.

Be sure to do a 10th Step inventory at night.
The rationale here is to ensure that we check in our eating. Did we respond to anything in our day by making excuses based on our circumstances while traveling to eat compulsively? Is there anything that occurred during the day that we need to deal with before we might eat compulsively tomorrow?

Most important of all, however, is that we trust and rely on our Higher Power. Many times traveling brings with it stressors such as traffic, lost luggage, or simply the strangeness of being away from home. If visiting family and friends, we may feel ill-at-ease being a houseguest or longstanding conflicts may rear up. In many cases, we may be visiting our eating buddies. Our old way of dealing with these things was to eat for ease and comfort. Now we are in the business of trusting and relying on God. We replace food with God. We sit with difficult feelings and situations, knowing that by not reacting to them with extreme actions or with compulsive eating, we will be OK. We accept a little discomfort now in exchange for keeping the abstinence that allows us to be sane in this world.

Love and Tolerance Is Our Code

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“Live and let live.” If everyone in the world applied this 12-step slogan throughout their daily lives, we’d all be a lot better off, addicts or not. But we addicts use this slogan for a reason. We find it helps us to avoid eating compulsively.

We OA members seek comfort in food or food behaviors. We want to avoid the painful feelings of our day. Sometimes what we see in a situation is real. Sometimes it’s a product of our thinking. In either event, our diseased minds use these situations to kill us by eating compulsively.

In the “Doctor’s Opinion” in the Big Book we are told that the cycle of addiction begins with feelings of restlessness, irritability, or discontent. In other words, with a thought or a feeling. This activates the obsession of the mind before we take the first bite. This means that our thinking and emotions are the trigger for our compulsive behaviors.

Enter “live and let live.” It is telling us that we should abandon our attachment to the people and events (current, previous, or future) who are triggering us. No matter what they’ve done to us, we’re the ones eating the poison we intended for them. If we simply let go of the situation, we have a shot at not taking that next compulsive bite, and at maintaining our abstinence because we have interrupted the cycle of obsession and craving.

This is true even when it is ourselves that we are angry at. We have to let ourselves off the hook as well. Are we not also people, deeply flawed in the way that all people are?

In its description of the tenth step, the Big Book has some very interesting things to say about this. First it tells us that when faced with the kinds of thoughts and feelings that lead to compulsive fooding, we should turn our thoughts to others and how we can be helpful to them. By doing so, we give our minds a break from whatever loop of anger, pride, fear, or self-pity it’s running, while putting a little spiritual deposit in the bank by doing right action. Right action, estimable acts, lead to self-esteem and connection with God, both of which are important to our recovery.

“Love and tolerance of others is our code,” the book also tells us. If we live and let live, if we love people despite their flaws, tolerate the same kind of utterly human behaviors that we commit, and seek compassion for them, we will be the ones who get the benefit. We will gain some softness in our heart, some insight into how we can help others, and some more bankable spiritual moments.

We often eat because we haven’t developed yet the capacity for tolerance, compassion, and love. It’s been said that while alcoholics stop growing emotionally in their teens, food addicts stop growing around age five. Our substance is freely available at an early age. That means that we may need the emotional growth suggested by the Big Book in a deeper way than even it had considered. Many faith traditions place heavy emphasis on either or both of good works and compassion. Doing for others and trying to walk a mile in their shoes makes us better, deeper people. We can feel for others instead of always making it about ourselves inside our heads. We can grow emotionally as we were meant to do.

What an idea! But also what a journey.

We won’t get there overnight. This is a lifelong process of prayer, meditation, spiritual action, listening to others, helping others, and having our own limitations in mind at all times so that we can avoid repeating the patterns that got us here. Love and tolerance will make us feel better and eat better. It will calm the pounding urge inside to eat, and it will give us a pause in which we can ask our Higher Power to help us before we do our usual, death-wish thing.

After all, we find in our inventory that God has loved and tolerated us. If God can do that for us with our flaws, why shouldn’t do the same for others?

One Day at a Time in Everything

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One day at a time is an awfully powerful concept. For us compulsive eaters, it means that we can only behave abstinently today, in this 24 hours. The past is done, tomorrow isn’t here yet. Which further means that we don’t need to worry about our abstinence in any moment but this one. And with our Higher Power’s help, we don’t worry, we just do.

But as we work this program of spiritual action, we come to find out that one day at a time works in every aspect of our lives. For example, if we have 100 pounds to lose, it won’t come off in one day, so today all we can do is eat abstinently and let the weight fall away in its due course. We may have fear of financial insecurity. But that next paycheck isn’t coming for two weeks, so if we can’t pay our bills until then, we ask God how to manage what we have today. Illness in our family? We can’t spend our time worrying about if someone will get better tomorrow when they need us today.

We must stay centered on today. Today, today, today!

Many of us worry about tomorrow because we’re afraid it will look like yesterday. We’re afraid of a rerun of prior events, so we skip right over today and project the past into the future. When we do this, we’re forgetting that our Higher Power is available to us, not only for soothing our fears but also for giving us strength and courage to do differently than we have before.

In some spiritual traditions, we are told explicitly that everything is always in motion, forever changing…sometimes rapidly, sometimes imperceptibly. In ourselves, we sometimes don’t see this. When we are out there eating, we might confuse hopelessness with unchangingness. In fact, we are changing into increasingly sick people. Our disease is always getting worse, never better. This is the progressive nature of our disease.

But when we enter the halls of OA, our hopelessness is eased and then removed. We see amazing personal transformations that show us how the steps and a relationship with a Higher Power upend our well worn idea that we can’t change toward the positive. Of course we can, but because of our disease, we can only do it with help from our fellows and the God of our understanding. This is where the idea of constant change, one day at a time, becomes our friendly companion. We progress each day that we practice the OA program, and when we understand this more fully, we get more and more hope. And eventually that hope itself changes into certainty. A certainty that there is a solution and that it works when we work it.

Sometimes we see the idea of one day at a time play out in less spiritual places in our world. For example, how many times do we hear a ballplayer say something like, “I’m just trying to take it one day at a time and stay focused on today’s game.” We especially hear this when they are asked about whether their team will make the playoffs or what they think about their own hot or cold streak. Keeping focus on what’s important (today, doing the work that needs done to stay on top, letting go of what’s outside our control) are the hallmarks of smart athletes and of strong OA programs.

This idea even plays out in popular culture. A certain famous, small green space person once said two things that resonate with the idea of one day at a time:

  1. “The future always in motion is.”
  2. “All his life he looked away…to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was…. What he was doing.”

While these are certainly not OA approved literature, they point out again that the world out there is also aware that we human beings have a tendency to forget that we change, others change, everything changes. That what we see one way this Saturday, we may see differently the next. That our enemy today may be our friend next month. That as we look toward the future in eagerness or fear, we forget ourselves and our Higher Powers now and become susceptible to the temptations that wreck us today because we’re trying to bring about happiness or avoid sorrow that may never come.

Maybe this all sounds a tad philosophical, but isn’t it actually life-and-death for us compulsive eaters? When we are eating our brains out, are we eating because something is happening to us RIGHT NOW? Of course not. We are eating because something happened a moment ago, a day ago, a lifetime ago. Or because we worry about something happening tomorrow, the next day, or the next decade from now. In this moment, the only trouble is with our thinking. And one day at a time, we’re working on that with the help of OA’s fellowship and steps and the Higher Power we are coming to know.

What do we do when we slip?

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A slip is not the same as a relapse or a binge, but it can become one. When we slip, we may have eaten something that is not on our food plan (such as a trigger food) or engaged in a food behavior that we eschew as part of our plan of eating (such as eating standing up). We hope they are relatively minor, one-off type events by comparison to full-on binge eating or a relapse.

The question is how to keep a slip from becoming something worse.

First off, what’s the number one thing that a slip does? It reintroduces a substance or way of thinking and acting into our lives that is known to cause major issues for us. If we ate a trigger food at a meal, for example, we are not doomed to eat it or any other unsafe foods again. God is more powerful than this disease after all. But we need to recognize that we are in danger, and over the next several days, we may feel things we haven’t felt in a while:

  • food-relations changes: cravings, food thoughts
  • physical changes: low energy, sleepiness, aches and pains, gastro troubles or headaches
  • mood changes: depression, anxiety, highs, lows
  • mental changes: confusion or fuzzy thinking, laziness
  • spiritual changes: a sense of distance from our Higher Power or our OA group.

What we do when these crop up determines whether we will return to our former compulsive-eating ways or whether we will simply resume with our abstinent way of life. An analogy that’s often mentioned at meetings is that of driving on the highway. If we get a little sleepy or distracted in our program, a slip is akin to hitting the rumble strip. Like any driver, we want to turn the car back toward the road, but we are in danger of that old thinking that says “I’m doomed!” and then fulfills the prophesy by turning the wheel straight into the ditch.

The ditch isn’t where it’s at for us OA members.

Instead, we can look toward the support we have in our meetings, our network, and our literature. We can talk to others and listen for helpful suggestions. We might ask ourselves questions such as:

  • Have I cut back on meetings recently?
  • Have I cut back on service recently?
  • Have I been honest with my sponsor recently?
  • Am I jammed up with resentment or fear?
  • Has my thinking moved away from OA principles and toward self-centeredness?
  • Am I in gratitude or am I in attitude?
  • Have I been passing the message of OA onto other suffering compulsive eaters?

We can ask God to help us answer these questions (and many others) honestly and openly. Because the substance or behavior is in our system once again, we may find the answers cloudy or difficult to locate. Talking with others can help us since they will have a more objective, outside point of view.

Whatever the answers are, we can safely skip over any kind of repetitive thinking that centers on the “If only…” of the situation leading to the slip, the kind that says “I’m so stupid…,” or the kind that says “I’ll never get my abstinence back.” These lies are the foundations that binges and relapses are built on. They are merely different flavors of the thinking that lead us to compulsive eating in the first place. We can’t go back to the moment before our slip, we needn’t judge ourselves harshly for being humans with a disease, and we cannot afford to seed the future with the junk from our past.

Instead, we can remind ourselves of some helpful slogans:

  • “Don’t eat no matter what; no matter what don’t eat.”
  • “Easy, easy, easy.”
  • “One day at a time.”

In addition, we should not tarry on taking action based on whatever answers we find. Stopped going to as many meetings? We can start going to more, immediately. Stopped taking effective inventory at night? We can start again. Never worked the steps? We can ask a sponsor right now for help. While the substance is in our body or the remembrance of the eating behavior remains fresh, we are in gravest danger. We can’t wait until the substance has washed out of us again, we must take action to prevent worse food lapses.

No matter how long we have been abstinent, a slip smacks us right where our pride is located. It triggers our fear of others’ opinions, our fear that we aren’t good enough, our fear that OA won’t work for us, and our fear that all that abstinence we had is no longer valid. This last point is especially insidious. It is helpful to remember that whether we had three days, three weeks, three months, three years, or three decades, every day of abstinence is a gift from our Higher Power. Just because we slip does not mean that our abstinent time wasn’t good enough or can’t return. It only means that we have some action to take to resume our abstinence. God hasn’t gone anywhere, we just need to remember how to get in touch with our Higher Power.

If we slip, a lapse, relapse, or collapse is not inevitable. Not if we can let a slip become a teachable moment. Humility is the idea of being teachable, and humility is one of the principles embodied in our steps. If we ask our Higher Power to show us what we need to know and do after a slip, we can resume the safe, sane, and useful lifestyle that abstinence gives us without first ending up in the ditch.

Reflections from Unity Day #3

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In two previous posts, we’ve dug into things our Unity Day speakers shared. Here’s another, this time a big hunk of hope.

“I don’t have to diet anymore,” one of our speakers said. “My clothes fit from one year to the next.” This was next to impossible to imagine when we were in the throes of our disease—when we ate compulsively, swore we wouldn’t again, and then found ourselves once more at the bottom of a bag, box, or bin of food. We couldn’t envision ourselves at a normal weight, let alone for a year or more.

But OA has allowed this miracle to happen. When we became abstinent, we began to release our excess weight. We saw progress. Sometimes this progress felt awkward because we weren’t used to being thinner. This feeling intensified when others, with the best of intentions, commented on how much better we looked. Buying clothes that fit our newly smaller bodies felt odd too. How many times in our pre-OA lives had we lost some weight and bought new clothing, only to find ourselves unable to wear it when we went back to the food?

Obviously, the idea of being able to wear our clothes one year to the next speaks powerfully about the physical aspect of our recovery. But when considered just a moment longer, and in light of our previous attempts to be rid of the weight, there’s something deeper going on. How does someone who could never lose weight or keep it off, who is addicted to food, now have the power to stay at a normal weight?

Part of the answer is that OA helps us with our emotions. The first bite never occurred in isolation. It could always be traced back to some feeling, some emotion, some discomfort that we had to get relief from. OA’s fellowship and meetings give us safe ways to speak about the highs and lows so that we don’t have to eat when we are, as the slogan goes, happy, mad, sad, or glad.

But our program stresses that this isn’t enough to keep us safe from our own addictive minds. Our literature reminds us that no human power can save us from the first bite. Without something more powerful than us in our lives, we are doomed to eat again. Why? Because people are people, and at some time human beings will fail us. In other words, we can’t trust ourselves or others with our recovery. None of us has the needed power to keep ourselves or others food-sober. If we did, we would have done it a long time ago!

Staying in our clothes year after year is a reflection of our ability to be open-minded about allowing a Higher Power into our lives. A Higher Power is the only thing that can keep us from that first awful bite. Our own willpower is not enough, but our Higher Power will augment our willpower so that we can avoid eating compulsively. If we ask for the help, that is. OA’s Twelve Steps are a proven method for going from the spiraling hopelessness of compulsive eating to the sureness that God will keep us in the same clothes year after year if we only step aside and let God run the show.

Once we invite God into our lives, the fellowship takes on new meaning. We look for ways to help other OA members, and we share the hope of our recovery. We demonstrate to others, by wearing the same clothes year after year, the power of our program.

Reflections from Unity Day

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Unity Day 2015 was filled with helpful ideas about working the program and living in the solution one day at a time. Over the next few weeks, we’ll reflect on some of the most powerful ideas shared so that those who attended can hear them again, and those unable to attend can consider them as well. Today, weight “loss.”

One of our speakers said that they don’t like to talk about weight “loss.” That’s because when we lose things, it means we have a desire to find them again. But who among us wants to find the pounds we’ve shed in OA, whether it’s one or one hundred? Many of us have heard the funny but deadly accurate statement in the rooms: “I didn’t lose the weight—I know just where to find it.” We all know where to find it; it’s in the first bite.

Many members instead talk about releasing weight. When we cling to the weight it means we are clinging to our old, ineffective solution to life’s troubles, overeating. When we release the weight, it means we are on a journey toward trusting our Higher Power more effectively. Trusting a Higher Power and pursuing a food-based coping strategy are mutually exclusive. This is why one of our speakers today told us how spiritually painful it was during relapse to have a belly full of food and a mind full of program.

We might also hear members talk about “taking off” the weight. This can also be a powerful metaphor for us in recovery. Our bodies may be projections of our inner feelings, and those around us can tell that we are trying to protect ourselves from psychic pain through compulsive eating. We wear our disease in a way no other addiction does. Everyone can see that we are blocked from what the Big Book calls “the sunlight of the spirit,” except, perhaps, for us. But imagine us stepping out of our oversized bodies as if they were simply garments. It would be much easier for that spiritual light to shine on us and be reflected back out to the world.

Lastly, there are things in program we would never want to lose. Our abstinence, the fellowship of our OA friends, the feeling of usefulness that comes with service, the joy of living with a mind not clouded by our substance. When we do lose them, we search desperately because we are in pain without them. The great news is that we will never lose OA itself. It is always here for us. It will always help us stop eating, relate with others who share our problem, find a spiritual solution to anything that comes along, and pass it along to others as it was freely given to us. We never need to be at a loss again.

 

Member Experience #5: How I Maintain My Abstinence

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SeacoastOA member experiences provide experience, strength, and hope anytime. Sharing our experiences also strengthens our own recoveries. Click here to share yours.

I’ve been in OA for over 34 years and have had my share of relapses during that time. I now have 18 years of back-to-back abstinence, and I’d like to share how I am maintaining that. Each relapse reinforced that I had to be willing “to go to any length” to recover.

First, I need to say that “God does for me what I cannot do for myself.” This clearly means that I need to maintain contact with my HP through daily “quiet times,” prayers that I can say throughout the day, which come to mind quickly (i.e. the Third Step Prayer and the Seventh Step Prayer) and practicing conscious contact with God. I also silently say to myself different “slogans” that have helped me through the years to get through the “ups and downs”: “This too shall pass”; Live and let live”; First things first”, etc. These help me to regain perspective and provide comfort if I’m troubled or distressed throughout the day.

I have worked the Steps through many different processes…and personally, have found that the Big Book Step Study Process has been the most thorough and “life transforming” for me. I was able to thoroughly look at my part in my resentments and specifically do the “turnarounds” that helped me see exactly what had triggered the resentment. The “turnaround” piece of the inventory has provided me with a tool I can use when new potential resentments arise.

I also work the program like my life depends on it…because I really feel it does. I have a “cunning, baffling and powerful” disease and left to my own devices, the addiction always wins. When, in the past, I worked the program with “half measures”, I found that I would always eat again.

I commit my food daily to my sponsor and also have sponsees who do the same with me. I try to make an effort to call my sponsor if I have a food change. Although I have a flexible food plan (no sugar or alcohol), I also find it very important to commit my specific food plan daily including the amounts, which I weigh and measure when I’m home.

I attend meetings…. I try to go to three a week but sometimes only make two. I will supplement with more phone calls if I’m unable to go to three meetings. Phone calls are important because they keep me connected with others who are walking this path and gets me out of myself and my own problems. I also do service in other ways and find this is an essential part of my recovery. As the Big Book states: “Nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.” I’ve done service on all levels (local, region and world service), and I find that the members of OA who give the most service generally stay in recovery. I try to say “yes” when asked to do anything in OA, if possible.

Another important part of my program is to practice gratitude! This, for me, means specifically identifying at least three things a day that I’m grateful for. This really helps me keep a positive perspective and decreases negativity and depression.

Member Experience #2: Nothing Tastes as Good as Abstinence Feels

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I had been coming to OA meetings for about four months. Although I had not found abstinence yet, I had somehow been controlling the wildest of the bingeing that brought me to OA and had consequently lost about 15 pounds.

I spent a great deal of time in those early months unsure whether I belonged in OA or not. You know what they say about denial. In any event, by the grace of God, I kept coming to meetings. 

Leaving a meeting one evening, I suddenly decided it would be a good idea to hit a drive-thru window, and not just for the scintillating conversation. This would be a transgression of a self-imposed bottom line, but that didn’t seem such a big deal at the time. I ordered and ate with no real satisfaction. As I finished the last of the bag’s greasy contents, I had a moment of truth. And I saw the truth. I had eaten a bag full of empty calories, without my own permission. It was in that moment I decided I want what you OAs have and was willing to go to any lengths to get it. 

I called a fellow OA member the next day, put together a food plan, and committed to abstinence. I’ve been able, through the tools of the program, the support of fellow OAs, and the grace of God, to maintain my abstinence on a daily basis since then. I can’t say I’m glad I hit that drive-thru, but if that’s what it took to bring me to what I have today, I certainly don’t regret it. And nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels!